my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You pole danced in your parka.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
