all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
