Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
