You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
