youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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