I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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