i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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