I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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