Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have aggressive nipples.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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