whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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