ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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