i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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