proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
