I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
