Three words: puerto rican gang bang
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
