I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
