never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
