Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
