She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
