But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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