i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
