I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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