R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
