he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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