What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
