One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
