omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
