the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it glows. i had to have it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
