Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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