I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
