Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
