is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
