Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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