Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
