I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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