I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
