You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
