I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
