he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
