i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
