How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
