I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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