he puts the penis in happiness.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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