I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
