just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
