OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no you cant smoke seaweed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
