I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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