the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
