the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
