Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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