my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I will pee on everything he values.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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