i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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