Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
